I learned late last night that Tom Grissom had been found dead in his
\napartment from an apparent heart attack. Tom lived alone and his body
\nwasn’t discovered for a couple of days after his death. He is now in a far
\nbetter place.<\/p>\n
\nDivorced and estranged from most of his family, Tom’s passing will likely
\nbe noticed by very few people as it was very hard to stay close to Tom. He
\nwas retired from the Navy for several years when he came down with a
\nmysterious and debilitating disease. Medical science wasn’t able to quench
\nthe overwhelming fire that seemed to burn in his feet. Tom lived in
\nconstant pain, sometimes enough that I’m sure in the late night hours he
\nwould seriously contemplate ending it all with a single bullet from the
\nGlock 9mm pistol he kept nearby.<\/p>\n
\nMany in his family could not understand Tom’s pain and that often the only
\nway he could deal with it was to talk almost incessantly and usually late
\nat night. He couldn’t keep a job and soon thereafter his marriage ended.
\nWhen I first met him about three years ago he was living in a one-room
\nwalkup apartment that he couldn’t afford since he was under a court order
\nto turn half his monthly Navy pension over to his former wife. The Church
\nstepped in to offer as much assistance as he would take.<\/p>\n
\nSocial Security had denied his application for disability and he needed to
\nappeal the ruling. The appeal process would take 14 to 18 months,
\nevaluation by a number of doctors, and the services of a lawyer familiar
\nwith government machinations and idiocy. A good member of the Church and a
\nrespected lawyer stepped up to take Tom’s case at no charge. Finally a
\nlittle less than a year ago he got his appeal hearing. He would have to
\nwait another 60 days for a favorable ruling and then another 45 days
\nfor the disability payments to start.<\/p>\n
\nMeanwhile Tom was evicted from his walk-up because a housing inspector’s
\nsurprise inspection revealed that the landlord had illegally modified the
\nbuilding in a way that didn’t conform to code. Tom wanted deperately to be
\nable to make his own way and not have to live on charity. When he won his
\nappeal, he would receive disability payments from the date of his original
\napplication. Tom kept a running tab of how much the government owed him and
\nin the meantime would petition eveyone around him for a loan to be paid
\nback when he won his appeal. This constant pleading for a loan further
\nestranged him from family and friends.<\/p>\n
\nOne day I decided to make a loan with Tom. I’d “loan” him $150 a month. In
\nreturn he would let the Church welfare pay his monthly rent. That would
\ngive him about $400 a month of money that he could spend on food, gasoline
\nfor his small, battered pickup truck, insurance, medicine co-pay, and a
\ntelephone.<\/p>\n
\nTom was on a lot of pain medication. The military doctors would often
\nprescribe just to get on to the next patient. None seemed interested in
\ntrying to really figure out what was wrong. About the only medication that
\nhelped very much was morphine. Tom hated taking morphine because it made
\nhim constipated and over time the dosage had to be increased as the
\nnarcotic became less effective. The pain was the worst late at night as Tom
\nlay in his bed trying to get to sleep. Sometimes he was awake and tormented
\nfor thirty hours or more before he was exhausted enough to fall asleep.<\/p>\n
\nIt was often in these very late hours when Tom would call. We would talk
\nabout anything, mostly guns and bass fishing, to distract him from the
\nfires burning in his feet. Tom loved guns and had collected them for a
\nwhile. All but one had been sold to pay for medication and daily living.<\/p>\n
\nFinally, the hearing as held and the first hurdle had been cleared. He had
\njust to wait until January of this year to get the ruling. Further, a
\ndoctor decided to see what could be done with some kind of a bio-feedback
\ndevice coupled with a catheter down into Tom’s feet connected to a pump to
\nfeed pain killer directly to the nerve bundle near the ankle. For the first
\ntime in several years, Tom had several nights of normal, uninterrupted
\nsleep. The relief didn’t persist, but Tom’s quality of life was improved
\nand the late-night calls got much further apart.<\/p>\n
\nAfter being evicted, Tom finally found an apartment in another part of
\ntown. A different Ward picked up the financial support. I still kept in
\ntouch and when he got the favorable ruling on his disability claim, I
\ntalked him into letting me forgive our “loan” when he learned that he was
\ngoing to have to pay taxes on his disability payment. The last time he and
\nI talked was shortly before we moved to Pocatello. He was then in the best
\nmental condition that I had seen since I had come into his life.<\/p>\n
\nHe had just come back from Oklahoma where he had gone bass fishing in his
\nfavorite spot. We had talked about this place many times and I’m sure I can
\naccurately describe the bend in the river, the small island, and how the
\nriver flows into a reservoir. The big bass lie just under the northeast
\nedge of the island under a tall, old tree that shades the area during the
\nheat of the day. Tom had caught two of “the big mamas” and was very proud
\nof his achievement. His doctor had some additional ideas for pain
\nmanagement that offered Tom some further hope. He was going the next day to
\ndo another temple session. For more than a year he had been going
\nfaithfully to the temple once or twice a month and fighting through the
\npain to sit through a session and make the drive up and back.<\/p>\n
\nA few short months later Tom is dead. His suffering is over — both with
\nhis feet and with the estrangement from his family. His methods of dealing
\nwith his pain had driven almost all of them away. One son who lived out
\neast stayed somewhat in touch, but all those who lived nearby wanted little
\nif anything to do with him. His circumstance now is much better. The pain
\nis gone and he is surrounded by family who love him.<\/p>\n
\nI shall miss you, Tom, and our late-night phone calls, our visits in your
\napartment, and most of all your determination to live when many others
\nwould have ended it all. You have a special call on our Savior’s atoning
\nlove. Goodbye and godspeed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I learned late last night that Tom Grissom had been found dead in his apartment from an apparent heart attack. Tom lived alone and his body wasn’t discovered for a couple of days after his death. He is now in a far better place. Divorced and estranged from most of his family, Tom’s passing will … Continue reading Goodbye, Tom Grissom<\/span>